Take from some notes I made just before I left the Jehovah's Witness set up:
All my life I had been promised that I would never grow old and die but would live forever on earth, when it was turned into a paradise. Now I began to realize that I was going to grow old and die like everyone else. After so many wasted years believing I was chosen, coming to terms with the reality that I was just like every other human, was a humbling experience.
I was no longer chosen for a special purpose but just a fool whom reality had caught up with. Standing on the platform in my smart suit, lecturing people older than me had been pretentious. Believing that I knew the answers to all life’s questions while the rest of the world stumbled in the dark had been arrogant. Waiting for the end of the world to come and the slaughter of millions of people, now seemed bizarre.
Looking on the bright side, my experience had taught me to value people. I reflected on all the decent people I had known who were not in my religion. Despite their kindness towards me, I had still selfishly expected them to be slaughtered without a trace of regret on my part. Now I was able to see their worth and understand the courage they showed as they quietly lived their lives without condemnation of others or hope of a reward.
Living in a closed world for so long had taught me the value of life lived in freedom. Even so, how could I possibly leave the closed world that I was so familiar with and walk away into an uncertain future without the hope of living forever? Having always believed that old age and death were a punishment, the prospect of living the rest of my life with nothing to look forward to, except old age and death, seemed a pointless exercise. Would I find in myself the courage, that I saw in others, to face such an outcome?